Conservative Liberal or Liberal Conservative? I'm conservative. She's liberal. The left-wing media. The right leaning lobby. Lily and I really enjoyed psychologist Jonathan Haidt's TED talk because we feel very boxed out of mainstream discourse. I, at any rate, hold views that both and either camp would claim, and have at different times in history. Regardless of how I define or refrain from defining myself, it was neat to have a peek at some of the seeds of my thinking. In fact, I think Haidt's message dovetails well with leadership and systems guru Peter Senge call to "suspend" our biases and mental models. This doesn't necessarily mean denying or changing who we are or what we think. Rather, Senge points to our ability to hold these ways of seeing the world in a state of awareness that allows us to operate with more grace and effectiveness. So I think that I will try to make the leap from defining to designing my Self. Hope you enjoy the talk. For those of us who prefer the written word, the link also includes some quotes or you can check out his book, "The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion," on which this talk is based. http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/jonathan_haidt_on_the_moral_mind.html May we see and appreciate each other for the wonders we all hold within us. On behalf of the Parish Committee - Melinda Collins, chair The Louis D. Brown Peace Institute Mother's Day March Mother's day evokes a variety of memories and reactions for many people – some endearing, some joyful, some conflicted, some painful. But this Mother's Day 2012 I have been thinking less about mothers and more about mothering. As a linguistic artifact of my childhood, I tend to associate the word "mother" with women who give birth to, adopt or foster, and perhaps nurture children. But, as our children have stretched their wings wider than ever this year, I have become more aware of a great deal of mothering they receive from many different sources. Everywhere I look, there are amazing people helping my children to build the strong characters that will serve them and the world well: the horse trainer who instills the primacy of animal welfare and partner relationship over competitive wins; the religious education teacher who reinforces the worth of all by giving children the space to be themselves and values their viewpoints; young friends willing to reach out to pat a shoulder and offer an encouraging word after a mistake or failing. So for the moment, I would like to separate the concept of mothering from its traditional gender-generated origins and just look at some of the qualities that can characterize mothering: tender firmness, challenging support, curiosity, humility, the willingness to pay attention, the capacity to hand off ownership, loyal loving. We all have our own lists based on our unique experience. No matter how you view mothering, we have all been mothered at one time or another in our lives by parents, teachers, fellow congregants, coaches, neighbors, friends and even colleagues, perhaps even by strangers. Of course, these actions and attitudes are part and parcel of all sorts of care we give one another, and have many names. But, for the moment, I am using Mother's Day to thank the many people who help Harris and me extend the reach of our love and nurturing. While some people will receive direct thanks, I doubt I am even aware of everyone to whom I owe gratitude. Therefore, I plan to dedicate my participation in the Louis D. Brown Peace Institute's Mother's Day Walk for Peace to everyone who contributes to the welfare of children. I hope to walk mindful of the loss suffered by those touched by violence - loss my family cannot begin to imagine. On behalf of the Parish Committee, Melinda Collins
Thoughts from the Parish Committee (pdf version) Lean on Me Together our Strength is Great Enough to Make our Vision Live in the World We welcome all to grow bold faith and take bold action. Yesterday, I attended a musical program at my son’s school. The sixth grade boys sang the following song that, for me, says so much about our congregation. Not only can we extend helping hands to those within the circle, but we can also reach out and create an ever-expanding web of care. This requires looking beyond our immediate responses, needs for safety and protection, and the beliefs that our historical experience have solidified, yet may not apply anymore. We are not just stewards of a church building, or a congregation that exists at this moment. The church belongs to the mission and message of Unitarian Universalism. We are stewards more of tomorrow than today, and are obliged to think of those who have not yet arrived and yet need the love and enlivening of our message. Together, we can look beyond simple stories of the way things are toward what can be. If not us, then who? If not now, when? Waiting for things to change is a less than strategic way to reach goals and live out vision. Any work takes time and care, and we have done a great job so far. We can keep growing as a community, and I believe we will. This congregation has within itself the answers to its questions. We need only engage each other in conversation and real solution-making. Warmest thanks for providing the support we all need, both in our individual times of need and our communal ones. We are able to take the risks to find the place where magic happens, because we are free to lean on each other. Enjoy the music when you click on the button below. On behalf of the Parish Committee, Melinda Collins Finding Our Voice The Transgender of Wisdom of Welcome It's been some time since we were certified as a Welcoming Congregation by the UUA (Unitarian Universalist Association). As some of us may know, this certification was granted after a process through which our church community learned how to welcome and better support the LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, transgender and queer) communities. Last Spring, a new Welcoming Congregation logo was designed and a new sign bearing this logo is soon to come. These are important signals to the community and reminders to ourselves of our dedication to inclusivity. It's wonderful that we value the worth and dignity of all people who come through our doors, but is that enough? Even though we may be comfortable with varied expressions of identity and sexuality, does our internal comfort and acceptance make those new to us comfortable among us and in our space? My question arises from a recent experience. Last weekend I was asked to show an acquaintance to the bathroom at another UU church. There were two clearly marked communal bathrooms - Gentlemen and Ladies. We both stopped and looked at each other, and she quickly suggested we look for a non-gendered bathroom. After a quick scout, we found a Ladies/Universal Access bathroom, but from her demeanor, I'm sure she was perturbed and I, admittedly, was disappointed and embarrassed that she had to ask and hunt, with the very real possibility of finding no appropriate facility. How unwelcome she must have felt - she must feel. And so I am thankful to the panelists of our Transgender Identity Common Hearth. Their experiences and wisdom have begun to help me see the exclusion built into daily life. Church is no exception. As anyone who has ever walked into a new church knows, these are institutions full of linguistic and behavioral norms, codified over long periods of time, usually invisible to those in the system, and rarely well understood. Learning to see our beloved surroundings through the questioning and anxious eyes of the newcomer could help us see and meet the needs of all those we wish to serve, especially those who have historically felt the exclusivity and narrow confines of welcome. No one need feel like a stranger among us. I believe we can welcome all as friend, familiar and new alike. While the quality of welcome at home is critical, we cannot substitute it for the welcome we extend when we go to those places where historically marginalized people already feel at home. This was the answer I received when I asked the panel how we might get the word out about our church. "Welcome isn't enough; invitation is needed." In other words, welcome has a static quality and extends to those whom we either invite or come through our doors. Going out and extending the dynamic hand of invitation and fellowship may be the new welcome we need to look toward. I invite and welcome us all to visit the UUA website on LGBTQ issues and welcoming. What we learn can help open our hearts and minds to the full variety of living and experience available to us as human beings: www.uua.org/lgbt. More information can be found at www.web.mit.edu/trans May we find ways to live the welcome we feel in our hearts. Truth is Worth Wanting Lily and I ran across a TED talk we enjoyed a lot this week (link below). For me, the most compelling parts of what Dr. Meyer says center around those things we are called to do in the face of a society weakened by the tacit embrace of deception. Her argument goes a bit like this. The role the mortgage system, which includes private citizens, government, media and industry, played in the most recent financial crisis is a glaring, meaty example. 2. Rather than condemning and shaming untruth, we should work to surface truth in our lives and interactions. Have the difficult conversations. That's what leaders are called to do, she says. And I say, who isn't a leader in her or his own life? I would argue that our society's focus on "playing nice" as a way of getting along feeds our comfort with lying. When in reality, ignoring what's really going on, real feelings, real ways of being and thinking, leads these things to break out in unforeseen places and ways that can at best hold us back from our potential, and at worst can destroy us. Moreover, there is no understanding where differences are covered, ignored, or minimized. History is filled with examples of how we can invalidate each other's identities and even existence, all in the name of comfort, or the well-intended, yet misguided desire to "get along." 3. So Dr. Meyer finishes by exhorting us to be more explicit about our moral (not moralistic) codes when interacting with other people, as a way toward more truth-filled living. What would this look like? To have the difficult conversation. To turn around on the school bus and say, "it's not right to joke about being gay. It doesn't matter who you love, it's that you do love that matters." To tell those you are closest to you how you really feel, and let them help you examine the situation together, or just hold you. To change the things that really aren't working. To celebrate openly the wonderful things that are working. Let's have the difficult conversations, and let's begin with ourselves. Yours in fellowship on behalf of the Parish Committee, Melinda Collins Please note: There is testimony of two disturbing crimes, so you may want to be sensitive about whom you view this with. http://www.ted.com/talks/pamela_meyer_how_to_spot_a_liar.html January 31, 2012 I love this graphic. It applies equally to the concrete and the abstract, whether it be adopting new ways to be healthy, like exercising or eating well; being as generous as you'd like to be in the face of uncertainty; or allowing for the possibility of a radical change in your thinking, or your life - or your church life.
Wishing us all the blessings of magic and the courage to get inside the circle. Melinda Collins, On behalf of the Parish Committee The Practice of Abundance – Carving out Sanctuary So I propose a challenge: five minutes four times this week. Just be. Just be in silence. And see what comes. If you’re feeling really ambitious, recruit the whole family, and set aside 15 minutes to reflect on your “just being” together at the end of the week. My guess is that there is a whole lot inside each of us that we just don’t get to tap into because we are so busy taking care of the needs that surface in the moment, or perhaps filling our precious time with a little more digital content than we’d really like. Discovery of Abundance This morning I bumped into another great economics article (Please, stay with me; I know it sounds like a snoozer!) on the subject of prosperity, abundance and the reality of what it takes to be a successful society. Money is a tool, the coin of all our endeavors, dreams and values. Commercialism and a largely mechanistic view of life transform money into a fetish that sometimes commands more of our attention than it deserves. Yes, we all need to eat and pay bills; vacations and possessions do enrich our lives. But money is a human creation, and so carries with it aspects of both soul and shadow that give substance to and enliven us. So what about delving into the realms that are enriched and impoverished by money? What are these about? What do they mean to us and those around us? What do they produce? Below is a link to an excerpt adapted from Umair Haque's Betterness While he asserts that many of our measures of prosperity and growth are at an inflection point on a societal level, each one of his touchpoints serves as a reminder of the places in our lives that hold and display our personal Abundance and the promise of abundance should we find ourselves willing and able to look for it. Click here for article. On behalf of your Parish Committee, I wish you a new year full of the discovery of the Abundance present in each of your lives, and the capacity and energy to build and create that which you most want to see in the world and in yourself. The gifts we give each other may be the gift we give ourselves Awaken! Although the Season of Advent is upon us, you could say that we are in a perpetual time of advent, at least for this year. As with advent, we've decided to add intention to the learning and discerning we're doing together this year, in hope and anticipation of a fuller flowering of our values and faith in the world. Awareness of our lives, who we are, the very miracle of what we already have, especially those things that seem hidden or ignored, is the key to much of our fulfillment. The holidays can be a time of tension and even conflict for many of us, highlighting some very real needs that are going unmet in our lives, needs of safety, companionship, connection, understanding, meaning, or financial resources. Being open with ourselves about what we do have can help us meet our other needs by creating a force in our lives that attracts opportunity and opens our eyes to things that have been there waiting for us. It also creates a positive space that reveals hidden richness to help counterbalance the real and perceived deficiencies in our lives. The Dalai Lama tells us that we have everything we need inside of us, for we are part of the Oneness. We just need to find it. We may see ourselves here and find a new way to wholeness in what we learn together. Learning and Discerning at First Parish
This last item I am particularly eager to get started on, as it will create a shared experience for Lily and me. For the same reason, I make sure to play chess and ball games several times a week with Everett so that we have a chance to do things together that we both enjoy, and to make a real effort to have a set time for a small group-type experience with my husband, Harris. Finally, I also planned a set time to see friends in order to nurture relationships and make sure to have fun. It sounds like a lot, and it is. I don’t pretend that I will get to it all, or that I will do anything “perfectly.” But just realigning my time, with this goal while still trying to attend to the other values in my life has made things much clearer and more fulfilling. |
